Posts by Sail Away

14

Update to: As a Matter of Conscience, I Am Resigning from the Christian Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses

by Sail Away in

i just had a two-hour doctor's appointment (treatment for branch retinal vein occlusion) that requires screenings, scans, dilation, anesthetic and injection, etc.

this makes it necessary to spend a lot of time in the waiting room..

my former p.o., book study conductor and later field service overseer was there and greeted me in a friendly way.

Sail Away

I just had a two-hour doctor's appointment (treatment for branch retinal vein occlusion) that requires screenings, scans, dilation, anesthetic and injection, etc. This makes it necessary to spend a lot of time in the waiting room.

My former P.O., Book Study Conductor and later Field Service Overseer was there and greeted me in a friendly way. This is a man that has to have seen my resignation letter referencing child sexual abuse and the ARC; so in his eyes, I disassociated. If for some reason, he is no longer an elder and did not see the letter, at the very least he should be shunning me as a 5-year inactive fader. Also, I know for a fact that I am on the Do Not Call list.

Apparently, the congregation is growing (20% increase) and has lots of children now. Counting baptized minors and elders and servants imported to "help out", I don't doubt the numbers. I just don't think this can be called growth. I did comment that it's wonderful to have kids around and shared a photo of my grandson. I mentioned when my husband and I were first married in 1978, there was so much emphasis on "the end is so near" that having children was hugely discouraged. He said the emphasis now is not on "getting time in", just on "doing the best we can". I asked about his daughter and son-in-law. Apparently, they are still active in the congregation and bought a house on the beach and by Dad’s words are “enjoying life.”

He commented that I look well, happy, am smiling more, and that there is a "lightness" about me. As he knew me well-- as only invasive JW elders do, I did say that I was no longer on meds for anxiety and depression; and I said when I was in the congregation years ago, I took on a lot of pain and anxiety regarding my husband and children's life choices (read Armageddon death sentences). He acknowledged that he knew that. I said now I just live a day at a time and let the rest go. I didn’t mention I was lighter for having a happy family life (something the JWs promised me as a pre-teen that sucked me in to the organization which they later took away by asking me to shun my children) and having dumped the JW burden of guilt and never ever being good enough.

We chatted for the entire time, catching up, and we even hugged good-bye. I would never have guessed! He said, "the friends" think warmly of you". No further attempt to witness to me. There is not a chance in hell that I would ever go back, but this chance meeting further relieves any anxiety about running into the elders. We do live in a very small town.

14

one day convention

by zeb in

jw
friends

well my wife is off to a one day convention and will doubtless return home cranky and tired.

.

Sail Away

Zeb, I have been where your wife is. I understand why she declined your offer to a dinner out. After a day of being beaten down, being told that nothing she has said or done is good enough, being told when to stand up and when to sit down and being told all her unbelieving family will die; she is in so much pain. Please consider surprising her with a simple, light dinner in the quiet of your home, perhaps a plate of cheese and fruit and a glass of wine, if she likes that. Your wife needs to decompress. You can help with that, and it may very well help your marriage.

Big hug,

Diane

35

What age were you when you were counted as a publisher?

by OrphanCrow in

the wts has always included minors and adults in the same categories - publisher and baptized.. i am interested in knowing how many minors, approximately, are included in the publisher count.

and, at what age a person started publishing.

what age was the youngest publisher reported?.

Sail Away

Publisher at 10; baptized at 16 (My non-JW dad made me wait, otherwise I would have been babtized years earlier.)

24

Shunning & separation from family

by CJxfarmx in

i was raised in jw as a child.

my dad was a jw my mom was not, they are divorced now.

i was never baptized or anything but i stopped going once i had the choice at age 12. now i am 41 and my dad will not associate with me, my wife or my 3 kids.

Sail Away

Giordano, beautiful, truthful post.

42

My Ex Wife Admitted She Doesnt Believe It's The Truth

by pale.emperor in

my ex-wife actually opened up to me today over the phone.

she was quite anxious and, i could sense, i little upset.

for those that dont know my situation im separated from my wife.

Sail Away

pale emperor, my heart breaks for you and your little family. I would like to weigh in on the side of compassion for your ex. Please re-read the post by JW Daughter near the top of the second page of this thread. There are so many issues to weigh here. You are both in a whole lot of pain, and the common enemy is the WTBS.

I am not proud to say that it took 30 years after my husband left the organization to wake up, and I still suffer from all the pain that we caused one another as individuals, as a couple and as parents. I am so fortunate to have adult children who have said they understand that anything I ever did was out of love.

Please remember that you were once under undue influence too. We all did things in that state that were certainly not our best moments and likely were not true representations of who we really are as people, otherwise it is not likely that we would be here.

I understand that the harsh words and judgments expressed toward your ex in this thread come from a place of pain. I'm not saying to throw caution to the wind. I'm just advising you to look underneath the fear and anger you both feel and see if both of your actions might, in fact, be motivated by love. Keep in mind that you both cared enough about each other to commit to sharing a life and family together. There is no need to destroy that now. Moving on, if that is where you presently are, is one thing. A scorched earth policy is another.

Out of concern for your child, please support your ex to the best of your ability now when she needs it the most. You know that there is no honorable way to leave this cult. The pain and confusion of cognitive dissonance can be life threatening. It was for me. How could it not. As a wife and mother I loved my husband and children, but felt helpless to save them from what I believed to be certain destruction while at the same time believing that a loving and just God could do no such thing. We were indoctrinated to believe that the only way to save our family is to stay loyal to Jehovah and his organization, a theme that was hammered home with ever more vitriol in the conventions this year.

You know what it is like to lose everything. It takes an extremely strong person to even consider it. I know this because my husband will sit next to me in my dark moments of remembering the past and assure me that I am the most honorable person he knows. That I have always wanted to do the right thing. I simply trusted the wrong people, who were in a position of authority over me since childhood, and they abused that authority. When I woke up to that, I walked away.

Wishing your family peace,

Diane

40

Spain: A group of elder requires clarification to Ministry of Justice regarding sexual molestors

by sp74bb in

jw
friends

letter sent today to the ministry of justice... .

spain bethel sent a letter recently last oct 3 interpreting that no elder or sm should request a certificate of sexual offenses as other churches or persons in contact with kids.

again jw.org interprets the law to their behalf.. a group of elders in madrid has sent this letter to ask clarification !!.

Sail Away

sir82
Trying to wrap my head around Madrid Bethel's reasoning about why registration is not needed....

My neighbor interviewed for a job in Project Youth Court working as a subcontractor for a municipality here in East Coast, USA. If hired, she would be required to carry and pay for a million dollar liability policy that covers child sexual abuse and molestation. Maybe it simply comes down to money? The Org isn't going to pay, and underemployed elders and MSs likely can't afford the premium for the privilege of (shep)herding the flock.

Diane

6

Do you meditate?

by nicolaou in

i don't have any particular method or system but i'm often happy in my own company.

i value periods of solitude when i can just drift off and follow my own thoughts.. maybe it's not much more than daydreaming but a glass of scotch and some tunes can sometimes light up a memory or bring a hazy idea into focus.

peace and quiet are my luxuries, what about you guys?.

Sail Away

nicolaou, yes, I do meditate. My introduction to mindfulness meditation was back in the early 1990's when I was first diagnosed with severe, recurrent clinical depression and post traumatic stress disorder. I was still a JW back then, so I didn't dive right into it, but I did come to understand that being fully aware in the moment, whether it was paying attention while chopping veggies for dinner or while walking on a beach at sunset was very calming and healing. As a JW I believed that meditation--sitting with legs crossed, saying Ommm and emptying my mind of all thought would invite demons into my life. That is so not what meditation is about!

In meditation you don't try to empty your mind of thoughts. You learn to observe them, to see thoughts and emotions as passing phenomena. I have since taken the evidence-based course in Mindfulness Meditation called Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction. I also began studying and practicing Qigong and Tai Chi (moving meditation). In the five years since I left, I am off all Rx drugs, and I sleep well. For me, insomnia, night terrors, flash backs and panic attacks are a thing of the past.

When you practice meditation you learn to drop out of automatic pilot. You come to understand that your thoughts and feelings are not who you are. They are not reality. They pass. When you learn to watch them pass, you become less reactive. You drop out of overthinking and doing mode and into being aware of your thinking and emotions without reactivity, and you learn that nothing is personal. It is a process and a practice..It takes time and commitment, and it is so worth every moment.

Tomorrow I am flying to San Francisco to begin a year-long mindfulness teacher training program. It is based on Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy which has been clinically shown to prevent relapse of clinical depression by 50 percent. This particular program what developed at Oxford University.

You can read the book, Mindfulness, An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in A Frantic World by Mark Williams and Danny Penman. You can also try some of the meditation practices here: http://franticworld.com/free-meditations-from-mindfulness/

If you are attuned to the natural world, as I and some of the other posters on this thread are, you might want to check out the book, Awake in the Wild, by Mark Coleman. He is one of my teachers, and I really love his work.

May you know peace,

Diane

43

May 22 1969 Awake!

by zeb in

jw
friends

"if you are a young person you need to face the fact you will never grow old in this system of things.. why not?

because all the evidence in fulfilment of bible prophecy indicates that this corrupt system is due to end in a few years...as a young person you will never fulfil any career that this system offers".

may 22 awake!

Sail Away

Yeah, I was 11 when this was printed. Sadly, I bought it hook, line and sinker. No college for me.

583

What is the purpose of life?

by slimboyfat in

while reading the magazines the other day it occurred to me that jws never really had a very good answer to that question.

because it was aimed at young people and it said something along the lines, "if you believe in god you have a purpose, but if you don't believe in god your life has no purpose or meaning".

i think that is a faulty analysis of the situation.

Sail Away

This was a question that bothered me greatly as a JW. When the then new brochure entitled, "What is the Purpose of Life?" came out, I couldn't wait to read it. When I finished reading it I thought, "That's God's purpose, not mine!"

12

I'm Going to Break Up with My Boyfriend Today

by LaurenM in

so like the title suggests, i'm going to break up with my boyfriend today.

it's for several reasons, but mostly because i'm not prepared for a relationship.

i need to grow and learn what it's like to be me now that i'm not a jw and learn how to love myself so i don't make the person i am with miserable.

Sail Away

Lauren, I think you are doing well to give yourself some breathing space. As new boy said, better now than later. I didn’t leave until age 52. Starting over was brutal. I am marred to my ex-JW husband and have two adult children and one grandchild. It has taken me five years to rebuild my life, and it was so worth it!

Diane